By now you I am certain that you have already binged the entire Netflix Original Series ’13 Reasons Why.’ There is certainly a lot of buzz around this show and for good reason. Not only are you hooked by the first episode, but the subject matter is so provocative it’s worth watching, pondering over and discussing. SPOILER ALERT: Some details of the show will inevitably be revealed however, I will try not to divulge all the juicy details but I make no promises.
The show centers around the suicide of high school student, Hannah Baker. Instead of leaving a suicide note, she decided to leave a series of audio cassettes with detailed accounts of how 13 specific people, mainly other students in her high school contributed to her decision to end her own life. Each tape accounted for the events and actions she witnessed or endured herself and some of them were pretty horrific. Hannah experienced what some would possibly consider typical issues with fitting in at school whereas others might consider it relational or social bullying. Regardless to which is right or wrong, some of the issues Hannah faced are not unlike what students today face every day in their own school environments. For example, Hannah formed a friendship with classmates Jessica and Alex and later, in her perspective, she was betrayed by her two best friends when they began to date and exclude her from the group. This left her feeling isolated and alone. Sound familiar? This is one of the key complaints and warning signs of a person contemplating suicide.
Now let’s look at what we can learn from this show. While I encourage every educator and parent to watch this show, I do not recommend children watch the show. If you feel your teen may benefit from watching the show, I highly recommend you watch it with them as a support. You may even want to hold a meaningful conversation about what they have seen afterwards. I have narrowed it down to what I feel are the 9 most important take aways from the series. (Don’t worry there is a Part 2 to this post coming soon).
1. Though the social message of the show is powerful, it is still a television show. Remember, there has to be drama, otherwise who would watch it? This could be a problem for some children or adolescents watching without adult supervision. While adults may see the similarities and differences between real life and television, the more impressionable child or teen may glamorize the decision to commit suicide or even Clay’s decision to seek revenge.
2. It is important for parents to check in and have actual conversations with their children. Pay attention to their moods, changes in friends, attitudes, motivation etc. no matter how frequently they seem to change. In the show, Hannah’s parents were nearly clueless to the events that led to their daughter’s suicide.
3. After watching the show, with or without your child, have a thought provoking conversation with them. Get their thoughts on suicide and pose questions to see what they know on the topic already. They will certainly need some help processing what they may have seen if they viewed the episodes. Ensure them that there is always help available to them and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Seek help!
4. It may be difficult for a young person to articulate exactly what is going on with them because depending on age, cognitive abilities and other factors, they simply do not have the language. Help your child or loved one speak about what they think of the content matter of 13RW. Sometimes adults can become out of touch with what goes on in the lives of school aged youth because we have long since (some longer than others) passed that phase of our own lives. Believe it or not, based on my time in education (currently a School Counselor, also) the art does imitate life in this situation and the issues in the show do in fact happen to real life youth.
5. Contrary to what many think, there usually is not a SINGLE incident that leads a person to commit suicide. Instead, there are a number of stressors or events that become overwhelming and the person is unable to find a healthy way to cope. ’13 Reasons Why’ illustrates this point very well in the documenting of Hannah’s last days.
6. 13RW leaves me to wonder if Hannah Baker was possibly struggling with Depression or any other mental health concern that possibly went untreated. Often times, for non-mental health professionals or medical professionals, certain mental health disorders may look like just an angry kid or “bad child” when often times, the behaviors are symptomatic of an existing condition or concern. This was not addressed in the show but is nonetheless important to consider.
7. We should work hard to highlight aspects that help the person to be resilient. If this person does not have any resiliency factors, it is important that if you cannot help build them, you seek professional help immediately. Some aspects that help build resiliency are strong ties to any faith, cultural or religious beliefs. Close social ties, even if it’s just one or two people, it is better than feeling like they haven’t got a single person in which to confide. A sense of belonging or connectedness in the world, usually through school, clubs, friends, peer relationships a number of things. And healthy coping skills.
8. If you see the signs in your child, don’t be afraid to ask. Hannah’s parents didn’t see any signs and certainly didn’t ask. Asking one simple question, “have you ever or are you thinking about suicide, killing yourself or ending your life?” could literally be the difference in life or death to someone. A lot of times, as sad as it may sound, no one asked.
9. Suicide can be prevented. We watch intensely, on the edge of our seats, wondering if anyone is going to do something different or fix what they did to Hannah. Why didn’t Jessica just tell her she was dating Alex? Why didn’t Tony reach out? Why was Zach so desperate to steal her compliments from her bag in class? You can’t help but think, if one person had changed the way they interacted with Hannah, maybe she would be alive. We can’t ever know this for sure but what we do know is that suicide is preventable. The distressed person usually leaves bread crumbs to indicate that there is a problem. If you are too afraid to help, please tell a trusted adult immediately. There is ALWAYS a way out.
It all boils down to the show being a hit in ratings because it is content rich and dramatically enticing. If you have not watched it I highly recommend it but please beware that it is for mature audiences. I emphasize that young children should NOT watch especially without parental supervision. I recommend the show to educators and parents as an entertaining way to learn more about society as it relates to the social woes and mental health concerns of today’s youth.
If you or someone you know are having suicidal thoughts, talk to a trusted adult or dial the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text the word “START” to 74174.
For more information on Suicide or Warning Signs See Part 2 of this post.
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